So much of being a parent is about guilt.  And so much of the guilt comes from a society that values appearances of perfection.  We then internalize these messages and hold ourselves to unattainable standards.  It truly feels like we cannot win at times. 

The fact is that two truths can exist at the same time.  It doesn’t have to be an either-or situation and by allowing space for that possibility, we create so many other ways of conceptualizing a problem and finding a solution. 

**Trigger Warning** Discussion of Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Grief and loss are hard enough to figure out. But how does one grieve someone they never met due to a miscarriage or stillbirth? It certainly complicates the process.

Relationships are difficult and complex, and I enjoy helping individuals navigate their way towards a healthy relationship with themselves and with others. So let’s talk about finding balance between relationships and work.

In the movie Encanto, many have recognized the role that generational trauma is playing in the movie, and I am glad that Disney has taken the opportunity to provide space for that conversation. I would like to take this opportunity to take the discussion a little deeper.

Healthy relationships are important for many reasons.  Human beings thrive on connection and rely on it for survival.  Being in an unhealthy relationship/marriage has negative implications not just emotionally but physically as well.  Research has shown that individuals who are in unhappy relationships have an increased chance of getting sick by 35% and have a shortened lifespan by 4-8 years.  Recent research also suggests that being in an unhealthy relationship has a negative impact on your immune system.  

Our Emotional Piggy Bank is our emotional reserve, and just like a regular bank account, it is important to keep the balance as high as possible. How do we get the balance up? By depositing anything that fills us up emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually. The more we take care of ourselves, the more we do things to increase that balance, the better prepared we are for when things get rough in our lives.

In our society, strong, uncomfortable emotions are not encouraged.  Think about it.  When a child cries, we often hand them a tissue, rub their back, and say, “There. There.  It’s ok.  No need to cry.” Sometimes we literally tell them to stop crying.  Even just handing them a tissue is sending them a very clear message, that is shrouded in politeness, habit, concern etc. 

There is a concept called the “good enough parent.”  It was initially coined, “the good enough mother,” by Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician.  This concept not only puts forth the idea that it is impossible for parents to be perfect, but that it is beneficial for parents to be imperfect.